Tag: lil

Sibling Love

Two babies so close together can be difficult. Fortunately, I don’t know any different. There are days when I wonder if I can drag myself through. Every inch of my body and brain is just tired and beat up. We all have those days as mothers, where you feel like you have been thoroughly put through the ringer in every way.

On this day, Bigs was extremely grumpy. He was being very jealous of Lil and making sure I knew about it by screaming, throwing things, and generally just trying my patience.

Really?!? Is it going to be like this all day. This is one of those days where I could have run down the street crying.

Then… something amazing happened…

A moment between the kids I hadn’t seen before. Bigs walked over to his sister and sat beside her to watch Thomas. What happened next brought tears to my eyes. It’s like they had this moment of him telling her he’d always protect her and she knew it to be true. In this moment, my heart felt overwhelmed with love for my little babies. Seeing the interaction and tenderness between the two of them is just incomparable. It’s nothing we taught them, just the natural compassion in there sweet little hearts.

My big brother!

Thank you! Thank you for allowing me to have these blessings in my life every day! Moments like this make all the hard stuff disappear.

Let’s Get Planting

It’s that time again, and I’m so excited. This weekend we had beautiful weather. We could finally think about planting. Weather is crazy though, we then had freezing temperatures two days later. It felt so good to be outside weeding my vegetable garden. Yes, I really did say that. I had two summers in a row of being very pregnant in 100 degree weather. I don’t mind being crouched down in my garden sweating it out, 40 pounds lighter.

I grew up in the country and we had a huge vegetable garden. We either ate our vegetables fresh or canned them to have through the winter. Gardening is something I thoroughly enjoy. I also think it will be good for the kids to learn how to plant something and watch it grow. There is nothing better than fresh vegetables and herbs from the garden. So, I thought I’d share our first enjoyable weekend working outside.

Ok, nice weather equals cute spring outfits for the trip to the plant store. I had so much fun with Bigs. He was modeling for the camera. His whole outfit was from Target. Really, that place is taking all my money.

We always overdo it with the plants. We overfilled our cart and had to get a trailer for our trees. The drought last year wasn’t friendly to our trees in the back yard.

Bigs thinks he can move the wheelbarrow with the tree. What a little helper he has become. It was really amusing watching his frustration that he couldn’t move it.

So, this was my garden when I started to weed two weeks ago. I never thought I would see the end. This was the worst it has ever been.

Finally, finally, finally I see dirt! It took me way to long but I am much closer to planting. I still need to till and fill with more of my magic growing dirt which I’ll post later. Hooray!

Congenital Hypothyroidism: Letter To My Daughter

LETTER TO MY LITTLE GIRL
WRITTEN SEPTEMBER 26, 2012

To my sweet little girl… On Monday, September 17th, your Daddy and I showed up at the hospital to give birth to you. We didn’t know what we were having but were pretty convinced you would be our second boy. To our shock and amazement, our sweet doctor said you were a girl. We all cried tears of joy that you were finally here safe and sound. We had a couple scares during pregnancy but we made it to your due date. We were so happy to finally name a baby girl. You were so beautiful with a full head of dark hair and gray blue eyes. Your temp was low and you had a broken clavicle but we were able to take you home the next day. You were such a great baby.

On Friday, September 21st, at 4:06 pm I got a call I will never forget. I was in the glider nursing you and your Pediatrician called. She started to say words like blood work, abnormalities, and Congenital Hypothyroidism. I’m sorry, what did you say? I was in shock, and couldn’t grasp what she was telling me. All I could do was look down at you and think, this isn’t possible. This isn’t possible for anything to be wrong with my beautiful little angel. I had to have her repeat everything to your Daddy because I just couldn’t process it.

They had gotten your bloodwork back from the hospital and realized that your thyroid numbers were not in the normal range. Your thyroid was either not working or working very little. They believed you had Congenital Hypothyroidism. She said to take you to the hospital immediately to have your blood retested. By the time we arrived at the hospital we were terrified in to silence. From the things your pediatrician had told us and what we read on the internet we learned how devastating this diagnosis could be. Congenital hHpothyroidism is the leading cause of mental retardation in babies. These babies wouldn’t develop mentally or physically. How is this possible…?

My heart broke for you as you cried getting your blood drawn. You were so tiny and precious. While we were in the lab, we received another phone call from your Pediatrician. She had already called Childrens Hospital and spoken to a Pediatric Endocrinologist. I was told you were to start medication immediately. They sent us for blood work just as a formality. Your numbers were so bad that you probably didn’t have a thyroid at all. You were to take two pills tonight, two in morning, two the next day and one everyday for the rest of your life. Your blood would need to be drawn on a regular basis to make sure that your levels stayed in the correct area. Was this happening? I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This was just a bad dream. We had never heard of Congenital Hypothyroidism.

We were heartbroken. We were devastated. You would have to take this medication for the rest of your life. Your Pediatrician was reassuring that since it was found early it was manageable. Getting the medication quickly and taking it consistently was key. If you didn’t get this medication your brain wouldn’t develop, your growth may be hindered, it was dire. Hours, days, weeks matter with this diagnosis and receiving medication.

You started medication on the fourth day of your precious tiny life. It was hard to grasp that one pill every day was so critically important to your development. One pill could completely change your life.

It is an unbearable pain to know that something is wrong with our precious little baby and we can’t solve it. We can’t make it go away. We love you so much and it breaks our heart when we hold you in our arms, look at you, and know we are helpless. We have given you a pill everyday since. We have your blood drawn again next week to see if the medicine is working and we have an appointment with the Pediatric Endocrinologist in a few weeks. We are holding our breath and worried sick until then, hoping that your meds are working.

I am so, so, sorry we can’t fix this. I am so sorry that we can’t make it go away. We love you so much and you have brought such joy to our lives in just the nine days you’ve been with us. You are our precious baby girl. Please, please let the meds be working…

Sticky Fingers

So, I was feeling brave. I was going to attempt to take both babies shopping. It’s quite exhausting hauling two 24 pounds babies in and out of the car. Yes, they weigh the same. Even more frustrating is trying to maneuver a double stroller around the racks. It’s not always easy fitting through the doors either.

Our shopping trip started off at Target. That place will be my financial down fall. We successfully managed to do returns, which I usually try to do without the two babies in tow. We did great and even managed to grab a couple goodies. You see what I’m saying, cha ching! We made it out unscathed.

I’m feeling pretty good, feeling even more brave. Maybe we could head to the mall. So, more returns for Children’s Place. We had a close call at Children’s Place with a near melt down from both Bigs and Lil. The only way to solve this is trying to look at clothes with one hand and continuously push and pull the stroller in place with the other. Yes, we are quite an amusing site. Since they seemingly calmed down, I had an obvious lapse in judgement and decided to push my luck.

Maybe, just maybe, I could run in and out of Victoria’s Secret. I really need a new bathing suit. I’ve not had a nice suit in a couple years being pregnant. If I had a hot suit then maybe I would feel like the old me again. You know, instead of the Mom who never gets out of her work out clothes, and that’s not because I’m working out! The girls also need extra support these days with breastfeeding, and I thought Victoria’s Secret would be the best choice for that situation. I quickly realized there weren’t many options at Victoria’s Secret. I really don’t need the 2 inches of padding…I would then look like Dolly Parton. Ok, now we have officially hit our limit. Lil has informed me that she is no longer falling for the pushing and pulling the stroller in place.

On our way to the mall exit, I spot a very colorful Maxi dress in the front window of a store. Well, I couldn’t pass that up could I. Obviously, I was still in my dumb fog and thought I could run in, grab it, pay, and then get the hell out of dodge.

I speedily wheeled my Bjorn through the entrance when I hear a beep, beep, beep. What the …? I look around and nope, only me. I looked at the store associate and said, well I guess that was me. With a puzzled and fascinated look she was glancing back and forth between me and Bigs. She then said, well he’s got something in his hands. What! I head around to the front of the stroller, and sure enough Bigs, now a.k.a sticky fingers was holding something teal. What in the world is that!?! Yes, you guessed it, Bigs had snagged a teal bathing suit bottom from Victoria’s Secret. Guess he thought I would look good in teal. Funnily enough, No alarm went off upon exit of the Victoria’s Secret store.

I hurriedly ran my crying babies, double stroller booty to the opposite end of the mall to return the stolen merchandise. I repeatedly apologized to the high school age associate for my son nabbing a teal bikini bottom… and chewing off the tag.

Bigs will now be known as Sticky Fingers and will not be going in to VS with me ever again.

Let it be her Daddy’s big head!

As I rocked my sweet girl to sleep tonight, I looked at her precious face and just wanted to cry. Why…why does such a little person have so many health problems. Adults should be the only ones that have to deal with health issues. It’s not really fair for her to have all this on her plate.

Friday she gets an ultrasound on her head. Lil’s doctor became a bit more concerned last visit since her head size has continually gotten larger. She was always above the curve but following it…until now.

I don’t feel that anything is wrong. As a mother you always think you will know. Unfortunately, I never expected her diagnosis at four days old or the Asthma diagnosis last week. She’s to small, to innocent…give her a break. She is developmentally where she should be at this point. That is something we were scared we would never be able to say.
Children are so innocent and so trusting. I wish I could wave my mommy magic wand and make her problems go away! Oh, how I wish I could. No more doctors and diagnosis.

Please, just let it be her Daddy’s big head.
Please…